TWO Puzzling

While others might say I'm greedy, I think many people can sympathize with me. All I want is a superb husband! Is that too much too ask for? I want a husband that can hit me with his "stoic" gaze and make me feel needed. I want a husband that is as rugged as the Lone Ranger and act like it in bed. I want a husband that will go chaste for me just as Gandhi once did, but lets me do as I please. I want a husband that gives me what I truly need: attention. My husband must be willing to go to the depths of hell and venture through fire to get me a Klondike bar. I want a husband that can define verisimilitude to me when I need help for school while abandoning his own education. My husband must be strong yet gentle; almost like Harambe. I don't plan on having kids, but I expect my husband to keep track of all 387 puppies, kittens, and turtles while I lounge in the casino I own. Concerning the casino, my husband must be the entertainment. Magic Mike, if you catch my drift. He may feel exposed; however, I feel more exposed as his significant other. It is my right to feel like my husband belongs to me. He does, in fact. Ever since we signed up as spouses on that fateful day, we made a vow. He would do anything and everything I say, in sickness or in health, till death do us part. 

What can I say? All I need is a husband. And no, I'm not a woman; I guess that's just you profiling me.